I Dry Heaved from Just Looking at Bottles of Liquor

-

For those of you who have followed me for any length of time, you may know I stopped drinking alcohol nearly 3 years ago. On a day-to-day basis (now) I rarely think about alcohol. It took some time to get to that place in my AF journey but if you’re thinking about not drinking you do get to a point, you’re not thinking about it constantly.

When I see alcohol on the news or in commercials, I change the channel. If I see an ad for it in the paper, I put blinders on and don’t look at it or turn the page….. except for today.

Today when I was looking at grocery store ads I looked at the forbidden (to me) section of the paper that shows all the pretty and colorful alcohol bottles that are for sale. There was Patron, Captain Morgan, and something called “Cupcake” that looked like it may be some kind of wine, never heard of this one before, does it taste like cupcakes? Eat a cupcake lol. Some others as well but I don’t recall their names.

So, I was looking at these bottles of liquor and my mind was literally blank, I wasn’t really thinking anything about them then all of a sudden while looking at Captain Morgan I dry heaved twice and had the start of a panic attack.

I’ve conditioned myself over the last 2 years to no longer like alcohol, and what it represents to me, and I hate how it affected my and my family’s lives. I really believe because of that and through the grace of God, the thought of alcohol literally makes me sick and want to puke.

I am grateful that happened today. I’m grateful that when I looked at and examined the different alcohol for sale I didn’t want to run out and buy some. No, I wanted to get as far away as possible from it and keep it from dragging me back into that dark pit of despair I was once in.

Thank you, God. Thank you that I despise alcohol now and am no longer hurting myself and my family because of it. Please be with all others who struggle with alcoholism or addiction. I am grateful for you and this place I’m at now. Thank you, Jesus and Holy Spirit. Thanks to all the people who’ve encouraged and supported me along the way. You ALL are AWESOME!!!!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mom of a Teenage Girl

-
I used to fear the teenage years with my daughter. I had no idea what to expect or what I was in for, especially since I was quite a handful as a teenager. I was concerned about drugs, boys, sneaking out, or even sneaking out to do drugs with boys. My worries were endless. While I still have my concerns, raising my teenage daughter has been a true blessing. I’ve watched her go from being  a wkward and unsure of herself to a young girl brimming with confidence and tenacity. She is so carefree and joyful and that joyfulness spills onto others, you can’t help but be happy when around her. My daughter isn’t afraid to speak her mind and I love this about her, you never wonder where you stand with her, she’ll come right out and tell you with no fear or shame. She works her tail off in school, her job, and choir — I know some adults who could learn a thing or two from her strong work ethic. What I love most about my daughter is that she loves with her whole heart and gives this love freel...
Read more

No, thank you, I don't drink.

-
  About two and a half years ago I was going to meet an old friend of mine, Caroline, for breakfast after not seeing her in over 30 years. Caroline had trained me at an animal hospital I was working as a veterinary assistant. We had a great time working together, she was an amazing trainer, and we developed a close bond working together so closely day after day. Eventually, we started doing things outside of work. We went to a couple of different zoos together and a very scary haunted house. Sometimes we’d drink together. I would always drink too much; I didn’t have a shut-off valve. I drank til I couldn’t stand. When at breakfast Caroline and I reminisced about all these things and I proudly yet a little shyly told her I don’t drink anymore. I told her I had quit, and I was happier without it. She said she doesn’t drink much maybe 1 beer a couple times a year. I said I wish I could have 1 beer a couple times a year, but once I get started, I can’t stop! Our conversation flowed smo...
Read more

No shame in having a mental illness

-
I’ve dealt with mental illness, specifically schizoaffective disorder, for the last 35 years but for the most part I only talk about it with my husband and daughter. I find it makes other people uncomfortable when I bring it up and I also feel judged unfairly once people know I have a mental illness. I definitely think mental illness needs to be  t alked about, but yesterday I was caught off guard with a question from my daughters orthodontist. He had asked what nationality I was and I told him I just recently found out as I was adopted and recently found my birth mother. He asked me why my mom gave me up for adoption. I hesitated for a minute then replied, “My mom had a mental illness, schizophrenia, and she couldn’t take care of me, she passed mental illness on to me as well.” Saying that made me feel so embarrassed and ashamed and I hate that I had those feelings, I shouldn’t have those feelings. Intellectually I know I had no control on whether or not I got schizoaffective diso...
Read more