A Girl, a Stranger, her Dog, and the Police (Part 2)

Not sure how far the van drove, wasn’t sure of anything at this point but when we reached our destination and got out of the van we were in what looked like an airport garage, dimly lit and concrete all around us. The police walked us into a building where there were lots of chairs and guards sitting at desks and patrolling the room. I sat in one of those chairs until an officer who worked there called me up to the desk, she began asking me questions one of the questions she asked me was if I had a mental illness. I didn’t know how to answer that, I was confused and I thought if I answered I did bad things would happen to me, so I lied and said no.

After finishing answering her questions they wanted me to go into a cell and pee in a cup in front of an officer. I was mortified and still so scared, I thought they were trying to trap me. I refused, so they locked me in the cell until I would give the urine sample. They told me I would stay there until I did. I eventually succumbed, as humiliating as it was.

From there they brought me to another cell, in this cell there was a concrete bed with no mattress, a phone, a metal sink, and a metal toilet that had feces all over it, it was truly disgusting. Definitely not the place you want to be when having a psychotic episode. I was so, incredibly scared, I didn’t understand why I was there, I didn’t know what they were going to do to me. I began yelling and screaming, “let me out of here, let me out of here!”, I also started screaming nonsense saying that one of the cops is a child molester. Keep in mind I wasn’t in my right frame of mind, I was delusional, paranoid, and manic my thoughts were not my own. I wasn’t behaving how I would had I not been in the middle of a breakdown.

Eventually I calmed down and an officer came back to get me to take fingerprints and have me sign some papers. While filling the paperwork fear overcame me, I thought they were going to hurt me I took the pen and tried to get away making threatening motions with the pen so they’d stay away from me. 2 of the guards grabbed me and dragged me back to my cell. They wanted me to let go of the pen, I refused so they kept me pinned down on my concrete bed. One of the guards started talking gently to me, I started to calm down, he told the other guard he had me and the other guard left. I thought this guard with the gentle voice and nice accent was someone I once loved, I broke down crying and let go of the pen. The nice guard talked to me some more and suggested I try to sleep, which is what I did.

I don’t know how much time had passed, time goes incredibly slow when you’re in jail, but some guards came and brought me to a new cell, a bigger cell that had 3 other women in there. I was incredibly frightened, I didn’t know if these women would try to hurt me or what. Soon other women began filling the cell. I was scared and crying, I yelled to the guards, “I need my medication I have schizophrenia”. I was crying uncontrollably, the guards didn’t seem to care. Another girl in there talked to the guards on my behalf asking them if they can help me and get me my medication.

After what seemed like hours the guards came back and called my name and 2 of the other girls names. They moved us to another cell. This cell was freezing, and smaller. All 3 of us were freezing, we did the only thing we could to keep warm- cover ourselves with toilet paper.

Next they brought me to see a doctor, who examined me and asked me questions. One question he asked me is if I knew where I was, I didn’t know where I was, he told me I was in Madison 4th Avenue Jail and they would be taking me to the psychiatric portion of the jail next and there I would receive medication. Finally!

For the rest of my stay at Madison, I was in the psychiatric unit. I had my own cell and there were about 7 other girls on that unit with me. I did begin receiving medication while there but I never came fully out of my psychosis. I spent my daughters 2nd birthday there which was so unbearably difficult for me I spent that day in tears.

Being in jail while in a psychotic state was an extremely frightening experience, I didn’t know what was going on most of the time and the fear was crippling. I felt all alone while there. I prayed…ALOT, that was my only solace, believing God was with me and would save me from that hell.

My charges for that incident was aggravated assault. How they came up with those charges instead of disturbing the peace I don’t know, why they brought me to jail instead of a psychiatric hospital I don’t know either. I do know I never want to be in that situation again so I take my medication as prescribed and see my doctor and nurse regularly. I am very aware of my thoughts and moods and when I notice something unusual I let my husband and doctor know asap.